Funny Clean Physics Jokes

Physics Graduate

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
"You may have graduated but I've got many degrees".

Question:

Upon entering a laboratory, you see an experiment. How do you know which class it belongs to?

Answer:

If it's green and wiggles, it's biology.

If it stinks, it's chemistry.

If it doesn't work, it's physics.

Rene Descartes sits down for a meal at a Parisian restaurant. The waiter asks for his order and he orders a hamburger.

The waiter asks, "Would you like fries with that?"

Descartes says, "I think not," and instantly disappears.

Newton's First Law of Motion: A body in motion will remain in motion. A body at rest will stay under a down comforter until forced to move.

Ivan Ivanovich, the great Russian scientist decides to do an experiment to know how fast a thermometer falls down. He takes a thermometer and a light, a candle light, to the 3rd floor of a building and recognizes that they are reaching the ground at the same time. Ivan Ivanovich, the great Russian scientist writes in his book: "A thermometer falls with the speed of light."

What is the definition of "electron?"

What the US did in 1980 and 1984.

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"How much for the beer?" the neutron asks the bartender.

"For you?" replies the bartender,"no charge."

What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?

Fission chips.

What happens when electrons lose their energy?

They get Bohr'ed.

A hydrogen atom is walking down the street with a friend when he suddenly stops.

The friend says, "What's wrong?"

The hydrogen atom replys, "I lost my electron!"

The friend says, "Are you sure?"

The hydrogen atom exclaims, "Yes, I'm positive."

The friend laments, "Oh, I thought you were just being negative again."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

Or:  It was pushed on the road by another chicken, which went away from the road.

Or:  It was attracted to a chicken on the other side of the road.