Getting Older Jokes

If all is not lost, where is it?

More Old Age Jokes

• When you get old, your secrets are safe with your friends. They'll never share them because they can't remember them.
  
  
• At my age, I don't want to eat health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
  
  
• You can't be young forever, but immaturity can last a life time.
  
  
• I'm done with wild oats. Now I'm into prunes and All Bran.
  
  
• Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
  
  
• You know you're getting old when you look in the mirror to shave and realize that the face you're looking at is your father's.
  
  
• I knew the romance was gone when I drank champagne out of the old girl's slipper and choked on a Dr. Scholl's insert.
  
  
• The paper sent a reporter to interview me on my 90th birthday. "What's the secret to longevity?" he asked. "Simple," I said. "Keep breathing."
  
  
• Isn't it nice that wrinkles don't hurt?
  
  
• I knew I was getting bald because it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.
  
  
• I started out with nothing ... I still have most of it.
  
  
• I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
  
  
• Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
  
  
• It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
  
  
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
  
  
• It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.